


Goodbye in her eyes

by waywardimpalawriter



Category: Dean Winchester - Fandom, Demon Dean Winchester - Fandom, Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heart broken, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 09:12:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11711346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardimpalawriter/pseuds/waywardimpalawriter
Summary: When pushed too far sometimes you just have to walk away.





	Goodbye in her eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Anon requests plus angst drabble starter request. They fit so well together so I thought why not do them together. Italics means flashbacks to when Dean is a demon torturing the reader. This story is from Dean's point of view.

I could see it in her eyes, such sadness and regret mixed with a heavy dose of goodbye. I knew from the moment she told me everything’s copacetic that somethings truly wrong. She’s been avoiding me for the better part of three days. Can’t say as I blame her much not after everything I’ve put her through. Words that were meant to kill what was left of her love for me, disappearing for weeks, capturing and torturing her for days, leaving her for dead. Now that one should’ve taken the cake right but no none of that detrude my stubborn girl.  

Adamantly stating that what I’d done; the pain I’d caused wasn’t my fault I’d been a demon at the time. Soul black as night because if that damned Mark of Cain and the First blade. Yet every time I closed my eyes I saw what I’d done, the mess I’d made of her. The scars I left and she forgave me for.

_“I told you not to follow me, to let me go and what’d you do?” Knife's edge drawing a thin line of blood to drip down her right forearm making it dance in all directions. Knowing it’ll leave a permanent reminder behind a warning I told her to heed. The muted scream from behind the gag is all I gets._

_“Ah yes I remember now,” evil smirk gracing my lips as I sneer at her. “Follow, that’s what you’ve done when I explicitly told you to stay away. I always figured you were stupid Y/N but not this much.”_

_Pulling the gag from her aching jaw that she works out with slow little wiggles and stretches hands still firmly bound behind her back, “this isn’t you Dean fight it, come back to us, to me.”_

_Dark laughter resounded off the run down shack my fingers like a vice gripping her chin, leaving bruises behind. “This is me sweetheart a new and improved version and truthfully I like what I’ve become.” Sneer firmly in place while bending down to stare right into her blood shot and puffy eyes._

Eyes that I’d come to love to have shining with trust and happiness. That now glance every so often to make sure I haven’t ran off again to rejoin Crowley as his Knight of hell. Like that would ever happen. The burn reminding me all it would take is one person snuffing out my life again and I’ll be right back to square one. I couldn’t have that for Sam’s sake and hers. Though no matter how many times I’ve told both to leave me be neither will give up. It’s the reason Charlie’s gone, left in a pool of her own blood battered and broken for us to find. It’s how she’ll end up if she doesn’t leave.

  _“Then kill me now Winchester. Get it over with already or are you all talk?” she sneered right back at me. Fighting her bounds with all the strength she could wanting to get free._

_For what purpose I didn’t know. Stronger, faster and could over power her smaller frame within seconds even without being a demon, Y/N couldn’t get even to the front door before I’d be on her._

_“Now where’s the fun in that little one? Not very sporting to just kill and run,” another dark chuckle leaves my lips making her flinch. “Come on sweet cheeks you telling me you don’t like what I’ve become?”_

_Staying mute eyes blazing as she watched me watching her. Minutes could’ve been hours ticked by as I grew bored with the whole situation. “Always the chatty one, now you’re mute. Where was that during those long drives when I wished you’d shut up prayed that I had duct tape to keep the words from spilling out. Better yet slapping,” pulling his open palm back landing a hard slap to her cheek that sends her and the chair she’s sitting in to the floor, “the shit out of you to shut up.”_

_Tears springing to her eyes as she tries to hold back the sob that threatens to flow from her busted lip tongue peeking out to taste coppery blood. “If you didn’t want me around you could’ve just said something,” voice catching trying to keep her fear and cries in._

_“And have Sammy boy pouting like a fucking two year old,” rolling my eyes and righting her chair my head shaking in disgust. “I don’t know why I put up with either of you for so long.”_

_“Because you love us,” trying to reason with the part of Dean she hoped is still inside him._

_Scoffing stepping away, “Love ain’t got nothing to do with it babe. **The whole time I’ve been using you to make me feel better, and you never caught on. You never caught on, I want you to hate me now, but I don’t think you’re even able to.** You’re to pathetic, whine and useless for anything other than a few good fucks and even then it’s subpar at best. Lisa had been far better than you.” _

_Gasping this time a sob really did leave her dry cracked lips eyes blinked back hot tears that still betrayed her state of mind by sliding down cool cheeks. “You don’t mean that,” always the fear in the back of her mind that I never loved her as much as I had Lisa._

_Confirming that idea gave me such glee, “Oh sweetheart you wish, Lisa was/is ten times better the woman you are. I never got over her and never will.”_

Memories fading like the late day sun while taking a long pull of the cool beer in my hand. Passing the bottle between my palms over the hardwood of the table underneath glancing up when I heard footsteps approach the kitchen door. Remembering the final straw that made her decision to leave etching itself in stone after the Styne’s tried to destroy the Bunker. She knew I couldn’t be trusted not with the Mark on my arm, I’d become even more volatile. Killing innocent people even if the kid had been a Styne and finding Cas beat up to the point of death. Not fearing me but what the Mark was turning me into. That fear driving her away and I’m letting it happen.   

“Sam’s got my number if he needs anything,” I could feel her search my posture; the tense set of my shoulders and bowed head. I knew she’s waiting for me to say something anything to keep her from going.  

But I couldn’t not with how I treated her. The words I said and have let her believe. To this day I don’t understand why she forgave me but then I knew she’s stronger than I ever will be and a purer soul.

“Take care of yourself,” the only words I could get passed my lips without baring my soul.

Deep breath taken in, “You really are just going to let me leave?”

“Yup,” another drink the Mark burning my forearm reminding me why I’m letting the best thing in my life best sides Sam leave.

I could hear her sniffle, can imagine the tears that slip down her cheeks, the long thin still red and healing scar down her forearm. The haunted look I put in those beautiful once shining eyes. Eyes that told me long again that goodbye was coming I just hadn’t known when.

Hearing the swallow, knowing she wants to say more, “Take care of yourself Winchester I’ll be praying for you.”

When had anyone’s prayers ever been answered? Never that’s when and I knew her’s wouldn’t either. However, I held my tongue on that subject. “Take care of yourself sweetheart,” I couldn’t help the term of endearment that slipped passed my defenses hoped she wouldn’t catch it. Or if she did think nothing of it so I held my breath waiting.

Finally looking up seeing her nod, duffle bag slung over one shoulder left hand holding onto the strap like a lifeline to a drowning man. “See ya around,” three simple words and she’s gone nothing else said nor will ever again.

Standing my anger over flows as the brown bottle goes flying across the room shattering into a thousand pieces just like my none existence heart. Over throwing the table in a fit of blind rage the Mark fueling my anger. Shoving everything off the counters making glasses and mugs shatter, and pots bang to the ground when I rip the hanger from the ceiling.  My own hot tears mixing with the anger flowing through my veins as I fall against the wall to the floor. I should be relieved instead I just feel empty inside.  I knew I’d never change the goodbye in her eyes and part of me didn’t want to. I had to keep her safe for my sanity or what’s left of it anyway.

Maybe one day I’ll find her again, explain and hope that I can win her back. Till then I’m stuck with this thing on my arm and very little hope as that just walked out the door carrying my heart with her.  

 

End….


End file.
